#SimplePieceOfPaper Challenge

An adoptee by the name of Alida Hawks and the NYAdoptionEquality.org created the challenge #SimplePieceOfPaper, referring to the OBCs (Original Birth Certificates) of adoptees. Show your support of restoring access to birth records and the OBC by Posting on Facebook and Twitter like this:

Adoptee (me)

or like this:

My Friend Lisa - Ally to Adoptees

Don't forget the hashtag, #SimplePieceofPaper. On Facebook images tag NYAdoptEquality.org so they can also share the page.

Many Adoptive Parents AND Birth Parents AND Adoptees all support open OBC access legislation.

The Search, Post 1, Breaking the Silence

My being adopted was never spoken about in my family. Of course my parents knew I was adopted, but so did aunts, uncles and cousins. No one ever mentioned it to me.  However, unbeknownst to everyone, I remembered meeting my adoptive parents. The memory was of me rocking on a rocking horse and my future adoptive mother was playing peek-a-boo with me. My future adoptive father was sitting to the side and smiling. I felt happy.

I also had a very clear memory of me being a very young child and riding a peddle car in the hallway of what seemed to be a hospital. I'm laughing and having a great time and a nurse is holding a doorknob of a door and about to open it for me to ride through. I don't remember what happens after I ride through it though. Lastly, I had a vague memory of sitting in a room with a lot of other children trying to see the TV around the heads in the row in front of me.

Having all these memories is great, but when your parents don't tell you you're adopted, and no one talks to you about it, and you're just a kid, you begin to wonder if the memories are real. When I was around 10 years old, I couldn't take it any more, and asked my mother if I was adopted. She smiled and said, "Yes, you were. Daddy and I brought you home on a beautiful day." I said, "I thought so mom, because I remember meeting Daddy and you." She also mentioned that I never said anything about my past. That was because, except for the memories stated above, I didn't remember anything. Years later, when I put myself into therapy, my analyst said that I had a classic case of amnesia.

One other thing my mother told me that day was that I was 4 when they brought me home. This shocked me. Why wasn't I adopted when I was younger? Was someone trying to hold on to me? What happened to me between birth and four years old? Why 4 years old? Why not as an infant as happens to so many adoptees.

That conversation and those new questions marked the beginning of a lifelong search for knowledge of my past and for my birth family, particularly my birth mother. For many, many years to follow I constantly asked myself, "Why?, but Why?, What happened?, Is she alright? No matter what I did, the constant gnawing questions were rolling around in the back of my mind.

It would be about 12 more years until I started my real sleuth work.

You're So Lucky, You Have Two Families

Today I stopped at my local bagel store where I sometimes like to sit down, have a bagel and iced tea and read the paper before going to work. I was wearing my "Denied" tee shirt.

The very pleasant lady behind the counter asked, "What have you been denied?"

I responded that I am an adopted person and NY State Law does not allow me to see my original birth certificate. She was very surprised and stated, "That's not fair." I, of course, wholeheartedly agreed.

We continued the conversation with a brief overview of my adoptee search. She found the story  interesting and gave it a positive spin saying, "You're so lucky, you have two families." I never quite looked at it like that, but I understand her innocent viewpoint.

I see this lady a couple of times a week, took her picture today and just realized I don't know her name. I'll have to ask her. She puts a great start to my day each time I stop there.

Beginning a Search for Birth Family Members

Yesterday I received a call from a friend whose adult son wants to begin searching for his birth family as his daughter, my friend's grandchild, is ill and the doctors want to know her medical background. This begins an arduous journey for her son, as all the adoption records are sealed by law.

Based on things I know that have been helpful in searching for birth family members, I suggested the following:

1. Register at the New York State Adoption Registry. (It can't hurt to be on the list and maybe a family member an original family member is already listed there.) Register at other adoption registries too.
2. Locate the original birth certificate. That may provide clues.
3. Request non-identifying information from the adoption agency. They redact identifying information but could make a mistake and you may receive identifying information, if you're lucky. 
4. Explore searching on Facebook by posting that you have begun The Search.
5. Get in touch with a Search Angel (people who help adoptees search for their original families, usually for free.)
6. There are also three DNA sites to get involved in. They are 23andme.com (23 and Me), Ancestry.com (Ancestry DNA) and FamilyTreeDNA.com (Family Finder). You send in a saliva sample and they try to match you with your relatives. You will get tons of 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins, etc. What you're looking for is a close family match, i.e. 1st cousin, sister, brother, mother.

Lastly I suggested that if he was born in the City of New York, he may be able to find his original name in the birth books at the New York City Public Library. I will go into this in detail when I soon start blogging about my own search. (The detailed information is now located in the post, "

The Search, Post 2, Finding my Original Last Name.)